Playing- and fooling around with an infant may sometimes seem like pure innocent fun – worse, some may even call it a complete waste of time.

But if you dig a little deeper, communications between an adult and a child can bear some valuable insights. One of these insights may just as well hold true for your daily business with your clients.

So, on a rainy Sunday evening, after 8 non-stop-hours worth playing “at the beach” with my daughter in our living room, epiphany stroke.

I sat down and summed it all up in 10 client-service lessons I learned while playing with a toddler.

1. Don’t say – show.

When complexity enters the game, don’t try too hard explaining all the ins and outs of what you are trying to achieve. Rather, just start practicing what you preach and lead by example. You’ll be surprised to see how quickly your partner will catch up and play along.

Oh, and don’t stop being creative in doing so.

Draw, use a paper prototype, scissors, glue, wooden blocks, toys and images. On the other hand, remember that your narrative is still the strongest weapon in getting others to play along. So try expanding their horizon by elaborating a mental model of what you just created physically. Expanding a physical world by the sheer power of a genuine narrative will kick your partner in creative overdrive and attach them to the journey you may have mapped out roughly in advance.

 Client lessons learned:

• Lead your client by example
• Use tangible assets to get your point across
• Create a vivid, living, breathing narrative of what you want to convey

And while we talk about “mapping out a journey” let’s focus a minute or two on client expectations. 

2. Expectation management is key

With children, you can’t just walk up to them and “start doing”. Just imagine you are at the doctor’s and he would silently put the two-year old on a bench and take out a large syringe. What do you think would happen next?

Children may be afraid because they do not know what is coming next, they feel anxious about each and every movement you do if there is no reasonable context involved. When playing together, as soon as I start telling my daughter what I am about to do next, she is way more approachable for the story. Be it fighting dragons, exploring murky fictional caverns or discovering dark space stations with only a tiny flashlight. Once she knows where she’s headed she is well up for the task.

 Client lessons learned:

• Manage expectations well in advance
• Take them on your journey and show them your map
• Be inclusive in your approach

But playing with kids brings you to unexpected places. Places you did not really prepare for – just as in business life, there will be disruption. Thus…

3. Prepare for disruption

Anyone who has played more than 2 hours with a small child may have experienced that the story you had in mind and the story the kid was experiencing diverted at one point. The story became a cross-breed between your planning and a child’s imagination. But including the disruption of your narrative seamlessly into the ongoing story while keeping the dramaturgy intact needs some practice. Be prepared that, at any given moment, an idea may shoot across the floor that totally wreaks havoc on your basic concept of how things were planned to play out.

 Client lessons learned:

• Plan your communication well in advance
• Be prepared that it will be shot down with a casual one-liner or question
• Train hard to pick yourself up and continue running

You may want to prepare a narrative which includes possible client PoVs well in advance – we simply integrate their story into ours.

4. Integrate their stories

“If you can’t beat them, join them” could be a strategy to win. But rather than submitting to- I would argue to consume the ideas and concepts of the other party. For me, when playing with my daughter the most rewarding moment happens when both our stories start to fuse together and create something absolutely stunning of which no one really thought of.

 Client lessons learned:

• Win your client by integrating their perspectives into your narrative
• Show how their input formed a crucial part of the concept
• Thus make your client a responsible part of the project

To seriously consider perspectives, ideas and needs of your client, you really have to be attentive. So…

5. Pay attention!

It can’t be overemphasized how important it is to pay attention while playing with your kids. First, it will be noticed by a child if you pay attention and this alone will get you credit. Secondly, you need each and every detail of their story to create the best possible narrative for them to experience in return. The more details of their lore, expressions, vocabulary, drawings and other assets you figure out, the richer and more tangible your story will become.

 Client lessons learned:

• Become empathic towards your client
• Show respect by paying attention
• Use selected details of their story to complement the narrative

So even if you are at the top of your game. Sometimes there may come a moment when things may need a soft push into the right direction. Clients may sometimes not be brave enough to make up their mind, they may have “consultancy overload” or they simply do not trust the way they see your story unfold. Maybe it’s time for some authority – but with a big smile on your face.

6. Practice playful leadership

At one point during my 8 hours of child’s play we had to have some lunch. But my daughter wanted to keep playing. It was crucial she had some bites and drinks before falling into a sugar low. Telling her to just quit gameplay and start having lunch wouldn’t work. Instead, defining a leading role (me) within the story world would probably see more chances for success. So, I found a magic key while digging an imaginary hole into our living room floor. Building up tension about what the key would be for, I finally revealed that it would open a secret door leading us into our kitchen with magic pirate-food never seen before. I was quirky, silly and downright childish in my behavior but nonetheless held the (literal) key to the story’s progression firmly in my hands.

 Client lessons learned:

• You are in charge of your client’s well-being
• Urgent client needs have to be addressed
• Don’t put your foot down but playfully guide your client towards a solution

And if you do – stick to it.

7. Follow through – they’ll remember!

I remember going to bed after an 8-hour playday promising my girl she could rescue that mermaid from the evil pirate next day first thing in the morning. The next day someone whispers into my ear:
“Dad, I want to rescue the mermaid.”
Me surprised, out of REM phase: ”Repeat please?”
She starts getting angry: “But you promised!”.
Following through with your ideas, promises and concepts positions you as a reliable business partner, it creates a special bond and is ultimately crucial in getting great work done for your clients. This holds also true for the little things not just the larger project milestones.

 Client lessons learned:

• Exhibit reliability by sticking to promises given
• When in doubt, have the guts to leave things up to be decided later
• Proactively approach your client with promises you kept

To deliver within the bounds of that special relationship with your client, you have to stay focused. There may be a gazillion other jobs, problems and incentives that are currently competing for your attention. To eventually deliver on promises given, it is crucial to fade-out anything distracting from the outside. That’s why…

8. It’s only us

A ringing phone, a relative asking what we are doing there, a loud sound in the neighborhood – all these instances can distract the delicate storytelling world my daughter and me became immersed in the course of our 8-hour gameplay session. We focused 110% on our narrative. Hearts and minds in perfect unison. Like the chiming concert of wind brushing through the leaves of ancient oak trees. Focused gameplay that feels so dense, it would fit onto the tip of a needle. Anything from the outside would make the dream dissolve instantly. That’s why I keep focused on the narrative we develop. To others it may seem like innocent naïve playfulness – to our story worlds it means everything, because we take it serious. My daughter feels this urgency and appreciates it with her fireworks of inspirational ideas, quotes and images she conjures from the bottom of her beautiful mind.

 Client lessons learned:

• Create a save place for you and your client to work on the project
• Take absolutely everything happening serious and treat it with due respect
• Do not let outside noise cancel out your progress

There will be times when outside noise will happen and you have to be prepared to deal with it. So, it might be a good idea not to promise your client too much about what will happen. Basically, this may actually be a helpful strategy for dealing with each other in general…

9. Under-promise – over-deliver

Imagine what would happen if I promised my daughter a large ice-cream for after gameplay and instead she would only receive a cold orange juice. The juice is still ok-ish, but being promised something amazing like ice-cream and then to be delivered just some juice really is a downer. It is never a good idea to over-promise on what you’d do for someone else. Chances are, they might not like you that much down the road anymore. Or even worse, they don’t trust you anymore because you over-promised and eventually under delivered. But turning this concept upside down may result in some interesting surprises – literally. So, the next time I said I’d have a really sweet surprise in stock, my daughter probably expected a candy bar but was outright flattened when I brought a whole bowl of all kinds of little candies to our “beach” setting. Seeing her jump up and down in delight I knew I had “bought” her – this time.

Client lessons learned:

• Figure out your client’s “candy” obsession
• Stay humble – plan big
• Deliver must-haves first – casually present “one more thing” later 

Which brings us to the final learnings from playing with my child:
It’s all about enjoying what you do – and to show it. 

10. Enjoy the relationship

There may be some very basic ideas that pop up first when playing with children and not each and every one of their utterances are turning out to be the gospel. But if I put myself into the position of an explorer, the story will start to shift. Because as I genuinely start investigating the mental landscape of my child’s imagination, great things start happening.

So while you are here with your client why not make it count? Even the dullest objectives shine in a new light if you put yourself into the position of a curious storyteller, a master of the mundane, a wizard of the chart and template. There is always something exciting in a project and it can be a lot of fun to figure out with your client what that one and only golden nugget might be. And, yes, “fun” is something not to be afraid of. Because out of the fun you display at working with others develops love and passion for what you do.

And make no mistake: people notice if you love to work with them.

Client lessons learned:

• Become a passionate explorer of your client’s need
• Dig out golden nuggets in your project
• Love what you do

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed in the above text are solely my own and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.